Dragon Ball Reacts to Fanfictions
by Super Sexy Saiyan
Summary: Goku and Vegeta find out about this mystical word of none other than... FANFICTIONS! And they are not pleased... So they decide to do anything they can to stop them! Contains slight yaoi, Yamcha bashing, and Vegeta in a pink dress! Read to find out more! :3
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, so this is my first Dragon Ball fanfic... so don't go too hard on me! I've thought about doing this for awhile so I hope you people enjoy reading this...

It's only going to be a few chapters, three at the most, but updates will come fast. I'm going to finish it for your entertainment, but mine too. :3

Also, it's rated T for teen because of some 'inappropriate' themes. Nothing too terribly bad. It's got Yamucha bashing, so watch out. Also, it's a PARODY. Don't take this too seriously. I kind of just wrote it to write it. I read yaoi all the time, and I have nothing against it at all. It's just something to write about... Eh.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Ball/Z/Kai/GT or anything in it. Credit for that goes to Akira-sensei and FUNimation. Plus, I don't own the New York Times, , Zumba Fitness, Batman, and anything else that is obviously not owned by me...

R&R! Thanks! :3

* * *

One beautiful, sunny day, Vegeta was skipping through a park, humming "Here Comes the Sun" to himself while talking chipmunks and squirrels ran about his feet and birds tweeted happily in the air, landing on his shoulders. Vegeta smiled at them.

"Aw, wee little birdies, how cute!" He lifted one from his shoulder and stroked it's soft head. "You're a cute wittle birdy, aren't you?"

He let the bird go and came across a group of six year old girls playing jump rope and joined them happily, singing, "Ice cream soda, cherry on top, who's your boyfriend? I forgot!" Giggling with the little girls when he landed on 'K' he said, "I guess Kakarot's my new boyfriend!" The little girls giggled some more and then they all sat down and painted their nails a bright hot pink color...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Vegeta woke with a fright, screaming his head off. "JESUS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He looked around the room in horror, expecting the little girls and the birds and chipmunks to be there but they weren't. He sighed.

"Oh my god, what a nightmare," he muttered to himself. "I think I'm going to puke..." Beside him, Bulma rolled over, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"Mmmm, oh yeah... Goku, right there... Right there!" she was mumbling. Vegeta looked at her in terror.

"Bulma, no! Wake up, you must be having a nightmare too!" He shook his wife several times and she jolted awake, staring at Vegeta.

"Goku, what's the matter?" she asked, still half-asleep.

"You're still dreaming, it's me, Vegeta, your husband! Wake up!" He shook her some more, her limp head rolling over her neck. She pulled away and yawned.

"Vegeta? Who's that? Mmmm, goodnight baby." She fell back under the covers and started snoring again. In fear, Vegeta threw himself from his bed and looked at himself in the mirror only to scream at the top of his lungs.

Goku's face stared back at him, that permanent goofball smile slung across his face. Vegeta clutched at his head, screaming while his reflection laughed that goofball laugh...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Vegeta woke with a fright, screaming his head off. "JESUS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He looked around the room in horror, expecting to see that horrible reflection of Goku in the mirror but this time it was his real face. He sighed.

"God, that was an even worse nightmare! Having a face like Kakarot's..." He shuddered inadvertently and looked over at Bulma. He couldn't help but feel... what if he was in another nightmare?

He shook her awake and she turned to him, drool dripping down her chin. "Vegeta... what's the matter?"

He sighed. She knew it was him, phew. Still, he had to be sure.

"Bulma, would you have sex with a guy who was wearing a batman mask?" he asked. She blinked at him.

"Of course! Batman's amazing! Why wouldn't I?"

Vegeta smirked and pulled a Batman mask out of nowhere and put it on. Instantly, Bulma jumped on him and started making out with him when suddenly the door to their room slammed open. Trunks appeared there in a soda cap and jumped up on the bed. (Guys, Trunks is eighteen in this. Just saiayn...)

"Daddy, Mommy! Time to wake up!" he screeched. He started jumping on their legs. "Wakey uppy!"

"Impudent youth!" Vegeta said, knocking his son to the floor. He lay there a second before getting up and jumping on the bed again.

"Cocka-doodle-do, wake up!" he yelled. "Let's go play!"

"Trunks, dear, it's too early in the morning for this. Go find your sister and play with her," she muttered, pulling the covers up. Trunks kept jumping.

"Listen to your mother!" Vegeta snapped, tossing Trunks back to the floor. "Leave us now!"

"Dad, why are you wearing a Batman mask?" he asked, laughing at him. Vegeta pulled the thing off.

"Never you mind that!" he cursed and fell back onto his pillow. "Go away!" He pulled Bulma closer to him under the covers and started nuzzling at her forehead.

"Sure, Dad, but there's someone here to see you. He says it's urgent!"

Vegeta hopped from bed. "Oh, goody! It must be the mail man delivering my Zumba Fitness Trainer! Yay!"

Trunks looked up at his dad, sucking his soda cap. "Dad, you're weird."

Vegeta flew through the house, literally, and came to a rest at the front door. He swung it open and tackled the man standing there. "Give me my Zumba Fitness Trainer!"

The man struggled from Vegeta's grasp and said, "What are you talking about?!"

Vegeta got off the guy to see it wasn't the mail man but Goku, looking rather frazzled.

"Kakarot! What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were the mail man..." He cleared his throat. "Forget you heard that."

"Oh, thank goodness, Veggie! There's something I need to show you! It's mega important," the younger Saiyan said, hoping from one foot to the other like he had to pee. "Can I use your computer?"

Vegeta stepped aside from the doorway and motioned for him to come in. "This had better be good, Kakarot, or I'll feed you to Oolong!"

Oolong, who was sitting on the couch reading the _New York Times _in a pair of glasses and suspenders, said, "Vegeta, I'm not a cannibal," in a rather thick British accent he just seemed to have randomly.

Vegeta led Goku to the nearest computer and the latter sat in the chair. When he got onto the internet a message popped up that read, "Hey Vegeta, just getting back to you on your shipment of coke. It should arrive within the next ten business days." Goku looked up at Vegeta questioningly. The prince quickly X'ed the message, red in the face.

"You never saw that," he said. Goku just shrugged and started typing things furiously into the search bar. Once he finally found what he was looking for, he turned the screen to Vegeta who took Goku's spot on the swivel chair.

"Get a load of this," Goku said, standing behind Vegeta while he read.

Once Vegeta finished, his face was green and he had thrown up seven times.

"WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ?! WHAT IS THIS?!" he roared.

"They're what people call fanficitons," Goku explained. "And this particular one is called a yaoi fanfic where two guys are together and/or have sex! In this case, WE HAVE SEX!"

Vegeta vomited again, remembering some of what he had just read. "Oh, lord, no... This is... this can't be happening!"

"And what's worse is that they're are thousands of them out there! Not just you and me, oh no... There's you and Piccolo, you and Gohan, you and Yamucha – "

"Not Yamucha!" Vegeta shouted. "Anyone but him!"

"They're a disgrace to all us dignified men!" Goku said, smacking his palm with his fist.

"Well, except Yamucha. He's not really dignified..." Vegeta said, rubbing his chin.

"That's true," Goku agreed. "Still, these need to stop! It's not just you and be being used in these... Our sons too! Trunks and Gohan and Goten!" Goku shuddered involuntarily. "They're horrible...!"

"I'm with you there, all the way, for once. What kind of sick-minded creeps write these things?" Vegeta asked, clicking another fanfic and trying to keep his stomach from convulsing.

"Teenagers who are too young to actually have sex themselves so they write erotic fanfictions about you and me, me and Freiza, you and Nappa!"

"OH HELL NAW," Vegeta roared angrily. "NOT THAT BUFFOON NAPPA!" He picked the computer off the table and threw it out the window. "Doesn't anyone ever write any fanfictions about us being straight?"

Goku shrugged. "Rarely. Sometimes we'll get lucky and get laid by Bulma or someone, but hardly ever!" Vegeta clutched his stomach.

"Well, I think we can both agree these things need to stop right now," Vegeta said considerably.

"Yes, yes, but how...?" Goku asked, scratching his head.

Suddenly Chi-Chi burst through the front door that was left open, screaming her head off.

"Goku, Goku, Goku! Oh thank gods I found you!" she screamed, throwing herself on her husband. "Oh, Kami-sama, it's HORRIBLE!" She started crying into Goku's chest.

"What is it Chi-Chi?" Goku asked, petting her hair. "What's happened?"

She looked up at him with fear-filled black eyes. "It's Gohan! He keeps going on about how much he wants to get alone with Trunks and rip all his clothes off and..." She trailed off, starting to gag. "I can't even say it!"

Vegeta and Goku looked at one another. "Do you think...?" Goku asked.

"Yes, I do," Vegeta agreed, crossing his arms. "Some crazy fanfiction is at work here..."

"HELP MEEEEEEE!" A sudden scream rang throughout the large house. Moments later, Bulma clad in only a thin blue robe and underwear, came tumbling down the stairs, almost falling to her feet. She launched herself into Vegeta's arms, sobbing like crazy and kicking her legs. "Help me!"

"What's your problem?" Vegeta snapped, looking down at his wife. "What's the matter?"

"Trunks... It's Trunks...!" was all she managed to say before the purple-haired teen himself came barreling down the stairs at top speed.

"Gohan... where are you?" Trunks called in a sing-song voice. "Hello?!"

The two Saiyans and their wives looked at Trunks as he ran past them, looking crazed, dazed and wild. "Ohhh Gohan! I have a surprise for you! ~"

"What's with him?" Vegeta asked as he narrowed his un-realistically big eyes at his eldest child. "He looks drunk."

"Oh, great lord," Bulma muttered in Vegeta's shoulder. "He's acting like a lunatic, asking where Gohan is and saying he wants to screw him so hard that – "

Before she could finish, Vegeta covered her mouth with his hand. "That's enough. I don't want to hear any more."

"Ohhhhh Gohan! Where are you baby?~" Trunks called, standing in the doorway. He turned to his mother and father. "I'm going out to find my love, I'll be back tomorrow." He raised his eyebrows suggestively and then ran out the front door.

"Oh no!" Chi-Chi and Bulma cried together. "What are they going to do together?!"

"Quiet!" Veggie demanded as both females started crying on the floor. "We have to do something, and quick. Before Trunks gets to Gohan and anything... happens..." He trailed off awkwardly and cleared his throat. "Anyone have any idea's?"

"Oh, oh, I have one!" Goku jumped up and down in an excited schoolgirl manner. "I have a great idea!"

"Yes, what is it, Kakarot?" Vegeta asked, crossing his arms. Both wives looked at Goku in hopefulness. Goku beamed in pride.

"Okay, okay... This person's obviously writing this fanfiction on a computer, yes?" Everyone nodded. "Then in that case... I VOTE WE DESTROY ALL THE COMPUTERS IN THE WORLD!"

Vegeta stared at him.

Chi-Chi's lip quivered.

Bulma smacked her forehead.

"What?! Is that such a bad idea?" Goku demanded, looking upset. "_I_ thought it was a grand idea..."

"You fool!" Vegeta broke out. "That will do nothing except – "

At that moment, Bulma's momma walked in through the open door. She smiled at Bulma whence she saw her (even though her eyes remained shut) and put down the groceries she had been carrying.

"Bulma, dear, I just saw the strangest thing..." She said in her ditzy, high-pitched voice. "Your dear son Trunks ran by in nothing but a pink speedo. I think he was screaming for someone named Goha... Goan... Go... Hmmmm..." She trailed off, tapping her forehead. "I swear I remember..."

"Gohan!" Chi-Chi shouted. "Trunks is goin' after Gohan! We have to stop him!" She turned to her hubby. "As _stupid_ as your plan is, I say we go for it!"

"Yeah!" Bulma agreed. "It's worth a shot! Anything to stop what could happen between those two..." Everyone involuntarily shuddered, trying not to think about the end of that unfinished sentence.

"Then I suppose it's settled," Vegeta said. "Let's go destroy all the computers in the world!"

"Yeah!" said Chi-Chi.

"Yeah!" said Bulma.

"Yeah!" said Goku.

"YOLO!" said Oolong. They tossed him out the window with the computer.

Vegeta bent down so Bulma could crawl up onto his back and Goku did the same for Chi-Chi. "Ready?" asked the Saiyan Prince. Everyone nodded. "Then let's go!"

With that, the four of them flew out of the house at top speed, towards South City to begin their computer slaying.

* * *

Deep within the heart of a ghetto neighborhood, Yamucha sat in a snafu little house underneath the covers of his bed, face lit up by the screen of his laptop. His fingers worked against the keyboard while he hummed 'A Pirate's Life For Me.' If one were to look at the screen, they would see it was open to a website called and Yamucha was busy writing a fanfic.

_Trunks touched Goten's neck tenderly, who leaned in to the caress. An insistent purr rumbled deep within Goten's chest as Trunks brought his lips to meet Goten's..._

Yamucha smiled to himself and cracked his knuckles. _Oh yeah, that's the stuff, _he thought to himself. _Man, people be paying to read this fic soon!_

He switched his humming to the song Super Bass and returned to clacking the keys.

Suddenly, his door was thrown open and someone stepped inside.

"Yamucha! There's an emergency!" the person shouted. "It's uber mega important! Er... Yamucha?"

Yamucha threw the covers from his head and growled at the person standing there to see it was the Ghost of Nappa. (Don't ask. He's just a ghost in this...)

"Nappa, what did I tell you about interrupting me during fanfiction time?!" Yamucha shouted. "I'm busy!"

"Oh, yes, sorry Yamucha," Ghost Nappa bowed apologetically. "But Yamucha... it's important!" He spun an imaginary strand of hair around his finger.

"What's so important?" Yamucha demanded. Ghost Nappa jumped up and down.

"IT'S THEM!" he shouted then calmed down a bit. "What I _mean_ to say is... Goku and Chi-Chi and Bulma and Vegeta..."

"Vegeta!" Yamucha jumped out of bed at the name. "What's that ugly mugged vegetable got to do with this?"

"Oh, gods it's horrible! They're trying to destroy all computers so they can stop fanfictions!"

Both gasped in a dramatic sort of way and Yamucha flicked his hair. "Well, that's a problem... What to do?"

"Oh, oh, I know!" Ghost Nappa jumped up and down. "How abouts we destroy them before they can do any serious damage to your popular fanfic?"

Yamucha thought hard about this to the point a vein popped from his head. "Aha! I got it!" He held up a finger. "We destroy _them_ before they can do any serious damage to my popular fanfic! Oh yes, so sinister, so vile... I'm so glad I thought of it!"

Ghost Nappa slapped himself in the face. "Jesus save me," he muttered under his breath.

"Okay then! Let's go destroy them! Destroy Goku, Chi-Chi and... Bulma. But most importantly, VEGETA!" He punched a nearby stuffed animal. "Let's go Ghost Nappa!"

"Right-o!" Ghost Nappa said and the two of them flew from the house in the Ghetto towards Capsule Corp.


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay, okay, so what's the plan?" Ghost Nappa asked for the thirtieth time as they flew through the air. Yamucha gritted his teeth, that anime-styled popped vein appearing on his forehead.

"The plan is to go to Capsule Corp. and obliterate those fools who think they could get rid of fanfictions," Yamucha explained for the thirtieth time. "Because getting rid of fanfictions is unethical. It's limiting people's imaginations! It's worse than SOPA! So, we must destroy Bulma, Goku, Chi-Chi and VEGETA!"

"Hm, Yamucha... I just noticed this but... You really don't like Vegeta, huh?" Ghost Nappa asked.

"Of course not!" Yamucha said. "After all, he killed me with his Saibamen, then he knocked up my gal... TWICE! And he showed everyone just how weak I am! If it weren't for him, people would still think I'm the cool guy!" Yamucha's face turned into that of a constipated one. "This is the perfect opportunity to get back at him for how he ruined my life!"

"Wait, you were cool once?" Nappa asked in awe.

"Of course I was!" Yamucha snapped back. "Back in the first series, I was the stylin' bandit who rode around in cars while STANDING UP. And you shoulda seen the outfit I wore. And don't get me started on my Wolf Fang Fist..."

"Yamucha!" Nappa gasped. "Did you... just break the forth wall?!"

Yamucha jerked, realizing what he just did. "Um... No?"

"YAMUCHA BROKE THE FORTH WALL! YAMUCHA BROKE THE FORTH WALL!" Nappa shouted at the top of his lungs, pointing manically at his comrade.

Suddenly, the fanfiction police came out of nowhere and gave Yamucha a fine of over nine thousand zenni for breaking the forth wall.

"Aw, man... I don't have nine thousand zenni!" Yamucha cried after they left. "What am I gunna do?!"

"Well, when we get to Capsule Corp. we can just steal all the money that they probably keep locked up in vaults there. Then, ta-da problemo resolver!" Nappa said.

"Nappa, I didn't know you spoke Spanish!" Yamucha said in false amazement.

"Well, yes, you see I studied very hard at the University of – " Ghost Nappa was cut off by Yamucha.

"I can see why Vegeta killed you the first time!" he shouted angrily. "Let's just play the shut-up game and hurry to get to Capsule Corp. to attack those unsuspecting lameos!"

"Right-o!" Ghost Nappa said and the two of them flew towards Capsule Corp.

* * *

"There, that should be the last of 'em," Goku said as he fired a _Ki_ blast at a nearby house, reducing it to ashes. Being the good guy he is, he removed all the little peoples inside before destroying everything they held dear to them. Yes, such a good guy.

"Yay! No more mortifying fanfictions!" Chi-Chi cheered wile doing a touch-down victory dance.

"Our sons are safe from humiliating themselves!" Bulma cheered in agreement. Both females clasped each others hands and jumped up and down with chibi happy looks.

"Well," Vegeta only growled. "As long as it means I don't have to do anything with Nappa... Or Yamucha... Or Kakarot!"

"Aw, 'Geta, it's not like it woulda been _that_ bad," Goku said, rubbing the back of his head in that usual way he always does. Vegeta looked at him appalled.

"Um... what the hell are you talking about?" Vegeta demanded. Goku's smile disappeared.

"Er- nothing... Anyway, in order to celebrate this beautiful occasion of being fanfiction free, how about we all go out for some Sloppy Joes?" the low-class Saiyan suggested excitedly.

"That sounds MARVELOUS!" Chi-Chi cried and hopped on her hubby's back.

"...I don't really like Sloppy Joes," Vegeta muttered under his breath.

"Neither do I," Bulma muttered back. "But you know how they get if we disagree on something..." Vegeta sighed.

"I guess," said the Prince of All Two Saiyans. "Let's go."

Bulma was just about to climb atop his back and fly off with Goku and Chi-Chi when suddenly the song 'Barbie Girl' burst from Vegeta's shorts pocket.

"Um... hold on a moment," he said and walked quite a distance away before pulling out his cellular device and answering. "Hello?"

"Hello?! Dad?! Is that you?" a voice screamed on the other side.

"Bra?" Vegeta asked, recognizing his daughters voice. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm safe, Daddy, but everyone else isn't!"

"Safe? What do you mean, 'safe'?" He narrowed his eyes. "What's going on over there?"

By now, his three computer slayin' friends had come up behind him.

"'Geta, dearie, is everything alright?" Bulma asked. He held a finger up to silence her.

"Kami-sama, some FREAKS just showed up at our house and are tearing it apart! They said something about how they need to stop whoever's destroying the fanfictions before their own gets ruined... I don't know!" Bra screamed in sheer panic. "I nearly got away with my LIFE! I'm actually quite proud... You see, what I did was gather up all the bagels in the house and – "

"Bra, tell me... what did the freaks look like?" Vegeta interrupted her.

"Um..." there was a long pause on the other end. "...One was tall and muscular and had a pedo mustache... I'm pretty sure he was wearing a unitard... Oh, and the other was some UGLY woman with scars all over her face! Oh Daddy, it's horrible! My eyes burn from the sight!"

Vegeta almost dropped the phone.

Pedo mustache...? Tall and muscular...? Unitard...?

"Bra! Did the pedo-guy have a really annoying grating voice that makes you want to pound your head in with a ten pound weight?!" Vegeta screamed into the phone.

"Er... yeah... Yeah he did!" Bra said. "I don't know what was worse! His voice or that face!"

"HOLY FLYING MOTHER OF A DOUBLE STUFFED OREO!" Vegeta screamed. "Bra, hold tight, I'll be right over!"

"Kay, Daddy, but hurry!" Bra urged. "I can hear them right outside my door! I can... Oh my god! They're coming in! They're opening the closet! They're... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The line went dead.

"Bra! No!" Vegeta called through he phone. "Bra! Speak to me! Please!"

There was no response.

Vegeta flipped his phone shut and chucked it into orbit. "They've got Bra!" he said to Bulma. "T-they've gotten to her..."

"What? Who? Who's gotten our daughter?" Bulma demanded.

"...Nappa," he answered. "And, what I think is Yamucha."

"Yamucha!" Goku gasped. "But... what's happening?"

"Yamucha and Nappa are tearing up Capsule Corp.," Vegeta filled them in. "Bra said something about how the two of them are trying to destroy someone before their own fanfiction gets ruined."

Goku gasped. "Do you think they mean... _us_?"

"No shiz, you idiot," Bulma snapped. "Of course he means us! And now they have Bra..." She sucked up a very dramatic and emotional breath.

"Not to mention... our sons are still out there doing who knows what!" Chi-Chi sobbed. "If they still have a computer we don't know about... I can't even think it!"

"I say we go get 'em!" Goku declared.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious," Vegeta mumbled and hoisted Bulma up. "Let's go straight to Capsule Corp. before Nappa and Yamucha do anything to Bra!"

They all shouted their cheers of agreement and soared off through the air...

* * *

"Oh, oh, Yaumcha, look! Captain Crunch!" Ghost Nappa called from the kitchen at Capsule Corp. and held up a red box of cereal. "I'm going to have some. You want any?"

"Not now, Nappa," Yamucha called back, slamming the door to the coat-closet which held Bra, Oolong (still in suspenders and glasses), Bulma's momma and dadda, all duck-taped and tied with scarves. They screamed as they were left in the dark of the closet.

"Ah, good. Now," Yamucha said while he dusted his hands off. "Now we wait for them so show up... and when they do..." He laughed manically. "WE AMBUSH THEM AND OBLITERATE THEM AND RESTORE ALL THE FANFICTIONS TO THE WORLD!"

"Yamma, oo aw so smawt," Nappa said around his huge mouthful of Captain Crunch. "Ah wish ah was as smawt as oo!"

Yamucha flickered his fingers together such as bad guys do. "Oh, I know... I know..." He suddenly pulled out his laptop. "However, just in case the two of us brainiacs fail somehow... Even though that's simply impossible... I want to make sure that my fanfiction gets out onto the internet."

"Oh, so wut yuhr sayin' is dat if we're defeated... yuhs can still get yuhr fic out dere?" Ghost Nappa asked, mouth still packed.

"Precisely," Yamucha said and squatted to his haunches, typing on his laptop. "I'm setting a timer right now for this fanfic, the MOAF, to be uploaded to my account in precisely thirty minutes!"

"Yamucha... shouldn't you just update it right now?" Ghost Nappa asked. Yamucha scratched his head.

"And why would I do that?"

Ghost Nappa frowned. "I'm not sure..." he shrugged and 'Hmphed.' "Anyway, I think that's a good plan, Yamucha. A very good one!"

"Contrary to popular opinion, this head is actually filled with a brain," Yamucha stated. "And a good one, too."

Ghost Nappa clapped his hands and wagged his tail. "Oh... I'm so excited! Just think what people will do when they read your M for mature fic! Fangirls... fangirls everywhere! So many slash pairings! TrunksxGoten, VegetaxGoku, GohanxTrunks, PiccoloxGoku... Every pairing you can think of practically!"

"Yes, yes! It'll be so popular, they'll make it into a BOOK!"

"And then a play!"

"A movie!"

"The New Bible!"

Yamucha looked at Nappa. "Don't. Don't take the lord in vain."

"Oh... oh... sorry..." Nappa said sheepishly.

"God damned right you should be!" Yamucha said. "God, and I thought you at least had some respect in that god damned brain of yours!"

Nappa: *le poker face*

"Okay, now go stand guard out front and tell me if you see them coming. I'm going to go put this computer in the microwave so they won't find it, okay? Now go!" Yamucha ordered. Nappa bowed and flew out the front door.

"Be safe," Yamucha whispered while stroking his laptop before putting it in the microwave. "I'll be back for you... I promise."

With that, he slammed the microwave door shut.

* * *

The tetrad of heroes in this story stood on the lawn of Capsule Corp. and gazed up at the building through the afternoon sun.

"Bulma, how much time we got left?" Goku asked, not tearing his gaze away from the building. Bulma pulled out a device and clicked a few buttons.

"We have approximately thirty minutes before Trunks arrives at Gohan's house, given the fastest speed he can go. After that... Well... Then we might as well just give up."

"Wait, how do you know when he's going to get there?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Oh, I had Trunks microchipped when he was a baby. You know kids, always running away." She chuckled to herself.

"Um..." Was all Chi-Chi could say. "Does he know about that?"

"Pssshaw, of course not! Why would I tell him? I've tracked everywhere he's gone for the past eighteen years and haven't lost him yet!" She continued to laugh. Chi-Chi backed away slowly.

And to think Chi-Chi was the crazy, over-protective mother...

"Enough blather," Vegeta said. "We have a computer to destroy and some asses to whoop. A daughter and some sons to save. Then," he turned to Bulma, "when this is all over... you, me, a glass of vino, secluded island. Got it?"

"Sure thing, but let's just hurry this along," Bulma urged and ran up to the front porch. She opened the door and crept into the dark and eerily silent house. Everyone followed.

"Okay guys, we should be extremely silent. Because if we make any noise at all, they could find us," Goku whispered.

A firework Chi-Chi was saving for the 4th of July exploded inside her pocket.

"Oops, sorry," she said and shrugged.

"Okay, any other fireworks we should know about?" Vegeta demanded. Chi-Chi reluctantly forked over her pockets full of TNT.

After that, the four crept down the hall to the living room but nothing was forthcoming. They sighed in relief but suddenly a muffled scream came from the coat-closet. Goku, holding up the 'Sh' sign crept over-dramatically to the closet and, bracing himself, flung it open.

A bound Oolong, Bra, Mr. and Mrs. Brief came tumbling out. Bulma rushed forward and untied her family, except Oolong who she ignored.

"Oh, Bra, you're alright!" Bulma sighed, hugging her young daughter. Vegeta came up behind them and pulled Bra aside.

"Listen here, daughter," he said. "I understand that what you saw was beyond the level of grotesque a child like you should have seen. I understand you will need a lot of counseling to recover from the sight of Nappa and Yamucha. But tell me, do you know which way they went?"

"They're up on the fourth floor," Bra answered, shaking from shock. "...Up on the fourth floor..." She crawled into a fetal position and started rocking back and forth.

"What have those creeps done to my baby?!" Bulma rushed forth and pulled Bra into her hands and cradled her. "There, there."

"We'll take care of her," Bulma's dadda offered. "You just go get those wackos."

Reluctantly, Bulma handed Bra off to her parents and the four continued through the house on up to the forth floor.

Oolong, still tied up, only sighed.

"They're probably right in there," Vegeta said as they ran up the last flight of stairs and down a long hallway lined with doors. "I can feel weak Ki energy from the other side of that door! Yamucha for sure!"

Urgently, they all ran and burst through a seemingly random door, and came face to face with none other than... Master Roshi! Who was currently applying suntan lotion **_all over_** his wrinkly body.

"Oh, hey there guys!" he rasped and waved at them. "Good thing you're here! You see, I've put this lotion everywhere 'cept the places I can't reach. Mind helpin' an old man out?"

Goku and Bulma vomited, while Vegeta went entirely pale and Chi-Chi fainted.

"Aren't you just in awe of this fabulous bod?" Roshi said and stood on a chair for even the high heavens to behold. "I know _I_ am!"

"Oh gawd, stop... Just stop!" Goku said through barfing. "Please, stop!"

"Well, only if you insist," Roshi said and hopped off the chair. "But you're welcome to stare in amazement anytime! Just give me a call!" With that, he hopped out the window.

"Please don't tell me what I saw was Roshi in the nude with sun oil all over his body..." Bulma muttered, wiping her mouth of puke. "Please... don't tell me that was for real..."

"Unfortunately, it was," Vegeta said and crossed his arms. "Remind me later to submit him to the Report a Rapist Near You center."

Goku, who couldn't get Chi-Chi to wake up, slung her over his shoulder and motioned for everyone to follow him out the door. "Okay, how about this time _I_ choose where we go so we don't see anything like that again."

Nobody argued with that.

Eventually, after turning corners and going down even more hallways, they ended up at a single door, and they heard people talking from within.

"This is it guys," Goku said as he pressed his ear up against the door. "I'm sure of it."

"You had better be Kakarot. If it's that old geezer again... God, you are _dead_," Vegeta proclaimed.

Goku kicked the door in and all three rushed inside.

Yamucha, who was busy playing dress up in Bulma's clothes, screamed and held his skirt like a frightened lady.

"Aha! So we meet at last!" Vegeta said in that usual tone of I'm-so-gunna-kick-your-ass. He looked between Yamucha and Ghost Nappa. "Naaaaapa!" he shouted. "What are you still doing on Earth?! Did I not kill you hard enough last time?!"

"You see Vegeta," Ghost Nappa said, "I came back to Earth because I saved an old lady from being hit by a car down in Hell, so I was granted one wish. Out of everything I could wish for... I WISHED TO BECOME A GHOST!" He clapped his hands together. "Isn't it brilliant?"

Vegeta didn't respond. He was too busy having an aneurysm out of pure stupidity.

"Yamucha...?" Goku spoke up, looking at his retired bandit friend who he used to collect balls with. Dragon Balls, that is. "What are you doing hanging out with this bad guy Nappa?!"

"Funny thing," Yaumcha said (still in his flowery skirt and blouse). "A while ago, I went to a Loser's With No Life Anonymous. I was pretty down in the dumps in those days... That's when I met Nappa at a meeting one Tuesday night. We both related with the fact that Vegeta totally ruined our lives, so we just have kinda been bad-guy allies ever since."

"Ah, I see," Goku said, stroking his chin. "Well, I suppose that makes sense... But why try to destroy us?"

"Because!" the scar-faced man snapped. "You are trying to get rid of fanfictions! AND THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! Do you know how hard I have worked to make the fanfics I have? I had so many reviews, I felt like a movie star! But you trying to break all the computers in the world obviously conflicts that."

"Yeah, but why write yaoi fics, Yamucha? Especially about us and our sons? Isn't that a little, I dunno, creepy?" Vegeta said.

"Nothing's creepy in fanfics! Now, if you don't mind, I think it's time I pulverized you four. I can't have you ruin my MOAF!" Yamucha shouted.

"MOAF?" all three (Chi-Chi was still out cold) echoed. "What the heck is that? Some disease?"

"Mother of all fanfictions!" Yamucha explained. "It's on my laptop, the last computer in the world, down in the microwave and it's about to upload the MOAF in, oh, about ten minutes now."

"Why would you tell us that?" Bulma asked incredulously. "Doesn't that help us out now?"

"D'oh!" Yamucha shouted and smacked his forehead. "Um, forget you heard that!"

"No way in hell!" Vegeta shouted and turned to run out the door to smash the laptop.

"Oh no! He's getting away!" Yamucha shouted shrilly. "Nappa, do something!"

"A-okay!" Nappa replied and held two fingers to his temple. A beam of light suddenly shot from his head and struck Vegeta square in the back.

The Saiyan Prince fell to the floor, much to Bulma's cries of, "Noooo!" and just layed there. At first, everything was quiet, because they all thought he was dead. Then, as if manically, Vegeta pushed himself up and turned around with a huge smile on his face.

"Haaaaay guys!" he said in a thick Valley Girl accent. "What's happanin?!"

Everybody gaped at him.

He danced across the floor up to Bulma's closet and then stepped inside, closing the door. When he came back out a couple minutes later, he was wearing a tight pink sleeveless (and rather revealing) nylon dress that hugged his body quite snugly, black fishnet stockings, tall pink stilettos, and had hot pink lipstick smeared over his mouth. Not to mention the pink eyeshadow that coated his eyelids.

"VEGETA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Goku and Bulma shouted. It was enough to wake Chi-Chi up but when she caught sight of Vegeta, she passed back out.

"Guys, like, don't you think my outfit is hashtag cute?" he squealed in the accent, which sounded weird when mixed with his deep gruff voice. "I think I'm going to take a selfie, and like, post it to Instagram right now!" He pulled out his phone, arranged himself in a provocative position, duck-faced and then snapped his selfie.

"Ohhh, that is hawt!" he said. "So going on Tumblr!" He giggled annoyingly.

"What did you do to him?" Bulma yelled up at Nappa, staring at her husband in appall.

"Okay, you know how I said I wished to become a ghost?" Napped asked, wagging his tail like a puppy. "Well, I asked to be a ghost AND have the ability to turn people into Valley Girls. I think it was a wish well spent, if you ask me."

"Noooo!" Bulma cried and pressed her face into her palms. "I can't bear to look at him any more!"

"Ohhh, hay, boi you are hawt!"

Goku turned to see Vegeta approaching him in a seductive type walk. Goku stepped back and screamed.

"Boi, your scream just turns me on," Vegeta said, licking his lips. "C'mon big boy, let's blow this joint, whaddya say?"

Goku screamed again and ran to hide behind Bulma.

"Bulma, do something! Help me!" he pleaded.

But she was in too much shock of seeing her dignified husband dressed like that, so she didn't answer. Vegeta crept closer.

"C'mon, bae. I got this sweet pad over in Malibu, we can, like, spend some time there and, like... You know." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Never!" Goku shouted and sprinted from the room. He went so fast, in fact, Nappa didn't even have time to use his Valley Girl technique on him.

Goku promptly flew down the stairs he had just come from and screamed as he heard Vegeta following him.

"Come back here, cutie!" he heard him call. "I'm not finished with you quite yet!"

Goku stormed through the house at top-rate speed and ended up in the kitchen, looking around for the microwave. He spotted it and started after it hurriedly to end this madness, only Valley Girl Vegeta stepped in front of it. Goku screamed.

"Now that we're alone, how about we, like, totally get it on!" He laughed hysterically and grabbed hold of Goku, spinning him around and slamming him up against the microwave. "You are just too cute!" He batted his pink eye lashes at him.

Thinking fast, Goku moved his hand to the buttons on the microwave and slammed the thing open, pulling the laptop from within. Yamucha, Nappa and Bulma carrying Chi-Chi came rushing down the stairs at the moment.

"Oh no! He has the laptop!" Yaumcha screamed in horror once he saw him. "We must do something!"

Only... deys were too late! Goku took the laptop... and smashed it into the floor. Yamucha let out a wail of rage and agony, and dropped to his knees.

"My life's work! All lost! All _gone_!" He gathered up the shards in his hands and held them to his cheek. "I'm so screwed! I'm going to have to go back to doing _Old Spice_ commercials!"

"Don't worry Yaumcha!" Nappa bellowed and stepped up to Goku. "I'll make you proud!"

The bald Saiyan summoned his Valley Girl powers and was just about to unleash it on Goku when suddenly Vegeta stepped in the way.

"Hey, don't mess with my bad boi! We haven't done anything fun ye—GAHHHH!" he screamed in pain as the beam shot him right in the face. He sunk to the floor.

"'Geta!" Bulma cried as her husband lay motionless on the floor. "Oh no.. Someone call 9-1-1!"

"Heh, heh, well that takes care of him," Nappa said, beginning to recharge his Valley Girl powers. "Next, you!"

Goku flinched, preparing himself to become a senseless Valley Girl, just hoping he chooses a better outfit than Vegeta did, when suddenly Nappa had his feet swept out from under him. (I don't know how that's possible since he's a ghost and he hovers but... Just go with it.)

He hit pretty hard on his back, coughing up those bowls of Captain Crunch, and groaned loudly. "Aw man... You got me!"

"Hell yeah I did," Vegeta said and stood up, back to normal. Bulma cheered in the background and random balloons and confetti fell from the ceiling. That's when he suddenly noticed what he was wearing and screamed. "OH MY FUTHER MUCKER, WHAT AM I WEARING?!"

"Funny story," Goku started to explain but Vegeta stopped him.

"I changed my mind. I don't want to know." He turned to Yamucha. "As for you... I think it's time we got rid of you."

Vegeta then randomly pulled out a bazooka and held it up to Yamucha who screamed like a little girl and hopped up and down. "Oh no! Have I met my doom?" Yamucha screamed. "Looks like it!"

Vegeta put a finger on the trigger while Goku dove onto Chi-Chi to protect her and Bulma hid in the oven.

"Yamucha... I'm about to blow my load all over you," Vegeta said.

Yamucha was silent a moment until: "WHAT. THE. FU – "

"No homo," he said and the pulled the trigger.

The blast hit Yamucha, and he flew through the walls of the house several times before the whole thing exploded. The tremor shook the house, making the windows all break and things fall off shelves, shattering to the floor. Bulma screamed from inside the oven.

Of course, Yamucha didn't die, because the narrator of the story is that cruel-hearted. But he _was_ severally wounded and probably wouldn't be able to walk for another thirteen-point-nine years.

Once the blast settled, Vegeta dropped the bazooka and wiped sweat from his brow. "Finally... It's over. Yamucha's dead."

"No, he's not!" said the narrator. "He's only badly injured."

"Oh..." Vegeta sighed in disappointment. "Maybe next time."

Bulma opened the oven and popped out, tackling Vegeta to the floor and covering his face in kisses. "Oh, Vegeta, you saved us all from the monster that us Yamucha! Thank you!"

Goku also got off the ground and helped Chi-Chi to her feet who looked around as if in a daze. "Nnnhnnn, so dizzy," she mumbled. "Old men bathed in oil... Men in tight dresses..."

"It's okay, you're safe now, Chi-Chi," Goku assured her. "Everything's fine."

"So... Gohan... is okay?" she asked. Goku smiled and nodded.

"We destroyed the computer, yessiree, we did."

"Oh, thank Kami!" Chi-Chi screamed and hugged Goku. "Hallelujah!"

Vegeta stood up and helped Bulma to her feet. She brushed herself off and then looked down at Nappa who still layed there. Vegeta scowled down at him.

"Hm... What to do with you..." Vegeta said evilly. "Anyone have any good ideas?"

"Vaporize him!" said Chi-Chi.

"Electrocute him!" said Bulma.

"Turn him into a fruit cocktail!" said Goku.

"I like the way you think, Kakarot... But I need something truly horrible..."

"Oh, Vegeta, you wouldn't kill another Saiyan warrior would you?" Nappa laughed nervously up at Vegeta who gave him a death-stare.

"I had no problem doing it the first time... so I don't see why not now. Plus, my daughters going to have to have deep therapy because of you and I really don't want to have to pay for that crap." Vegeta cracked his knuckles. "Only... you can't kill a ghost... So I have something better for you."

A couple minutes later, they found Roshi out on the lawn, oblivious to the explosion, holding up tanning foil, reflecting it onto his face.

"Hey, Roshi," Bulma said and poked him. "Hey, we have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" he croaked and sat up. "Well, let me see!"

Vegeta and Goku side-stepped so Roshi could see Ghost Nappa standing there. "Ta-da!" Chi-Chi and Bulma said together.

"That's my surprise?" Roshi asked rather unsatisfactorily. "I was hopin' you brought me a tight squeeze." He then noticed Vegeta in the pink dress. "Well, it looks like you came through after all! Come to papa, my baby girl!"

"I'm not a woman, you old coot!" Vegeta shouted, turning red. "It's me, Vegeta!"

"Vegeta...?" Roshi adjusted his glasses. "Why are you dressed like that?"

"I...! Never mind that!" he shouted. "Just... look what he brought you...!"

"What'd he got to do for me?" Roshi asked. "He's ugly."

"From this day forth, he is your personal suntan lotion applier!" Bulma said in an advertising guy voice. "Applies suntan lotion on you wherever you need it, whenever you need it! Got hard to reach places or places you'd rather not touch? Well, he's the guy for you!" Roshi looked at Nappa in amazement.

"Oh, fascinating! I've always wanted one of these!" Roshi said excitedly. He pulled out some suntan lotion. "Mind if you start now? I need some on my back, if you could..." He handed Nappa the lotion who took it begrudgingly. Vegeta looked on in amusement.

"Well, this is better than vaporization," Chi-Chi said.

"And better than electrocution," agreed Bulma.

"I liked the fruit cocktail..." Goku muttered.

"Anyway, the nightmare's finally over. No more Yamucha, no more fanfictions... AND NO MORE NAPPA!"

All four clasped each others hands and together danced around in a circle while corny teeny-bop music you usually hear at the end of corny teeny-bop movies played out of nowhere...

* * *

Trunks suddenly blinked, feeling as though he had been asleep for a very long time. He looked around the room in confusion, not recognizing where he was. He was in a bedroom of some sort... However one he did not recognize. And he was on the bed, propped up on his knees and hands.

Below him, someone groaned and Trunks looked to see that Gohan was beneath him, totally bare except for underwear. Trunks realized he was the same way, only in a pink speedo.

Both boys screamed in horror and threw themselves across the room, pressed against the wall, breathing hard. Gohan made a desperate attempt to pull on a nearby pair of pants but fell over while doing so.

"Um... what the absolute f- (censored due to strong content)?!" Trunks shouted, blushing crimson. "What the hell were we doing?!"

Once Gohan had his pants on, he looked up at Trunks. "I don't want to know." Trunks shuddered, not knowing why he was in the suggestive position or how he got there.

"Okay, we never talk about this ever again, got it?" Trunks said. "As in _ever_."

"You got it," Gohan replied and they shook on it. The both shuddered and decided it was definitely better to be just left alone...

* * *

Epilogue:

*ten business days later...*

A truck pulled up in front of Capsule Corp. and a man hopped out holding a clipboard. He walked to the front door and knocked on it, waiting for an answer.

The man who opened it was half-dressed and looked quite drowsy.

"What do you want?" he grumbled.

"Your shipment of coke is here," the man said and held the keyboard out. "Sign here please."

The man signed his name _Vegeta_ and the man smirked.

"You name's Vegeta? As in vegetable?" The man burst out laughing.

Vegeta calmly took the clipboard and slammed it over the mans head. He fell to the ground and Vegeta stepped over him to admire the red truck that red _Coke_. A few men hopped from the back of the semi and wheeled carts over to Vegeta. He pulled a bottle from one and popped the cap off, taking a long sip.

"Ah, that's some good... COCA COLA!"

(see, you thought it was coke as in cocaine! Drugs to crazy shiz to you... I don't endorse it!)

THE END!

* * *

A/N: Well, there it is! I hoped you guys enjoyed reading this... I know it was short (only two chapters!) but if it gets popular enough, I might make a sequel. Who knows?

By the way, the aneurysm out of pure stupidity and the 'blow my load all over you' was a request by Juli-sama19, asking if I could make some TFS references... I think there was another one, but credit for that goes to Team Four Star.

Anyway, thank you for reading this and leaving all your positive feedback. Seriously, _thank you_! Until next time! :3

~Liv


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